Jokes

Santa Went Out To Buy A National Flag.

The Shop Owner Gave Him The Flag.

Guess What Did He Ask Next... Can You Show different Colours In This ;)

Santa (Reading From Book Of Facts):

"Do You Know That Every Time I Breathe A Man Dies?"

Banta: "Why Don't You Use A Mouth Wash?

Nurse Came Out With The Newborn Kid, Santa Rushed 2 Her & After Seeing The Kid He Shouted, BABY BOY She Slapped Him: Leave My Finger, U Fool, It's A Gal :P

Santa: What's Difference Between Man & Superman?

Pappu: Man Wears Underwear Under The Trouser & Superman Wears It Over The Trouser.

A Chini Was In Hspital.

SANTA Went To Meet Him.

Chini Said "CHING CHONG, MOU.CHU CHA" & Died.

SANTA Went China 2 Know The Meaning, That Was- U Fool Lift Your Leg From The Oxygen Pipe.

One Day Santas Girlfriend Asks Him, Darling, Om Our Engagement Will You Give Me A RING?

Santa:Ya Sure, Give Me Ur Telephone No.

Santa Was Looking At A Painting Of A Naked Women Leaves Covering Her Body

He Asked That Wat He Was Doing He Answered- Waiting 4 Autumn.

Santa Was Riding On A Horse,

He Jumped The Red Light & A Cop Whistles'

Santa Lifts The Tail Of Horse & Says,

“Note The Number.”

A Lady Calls Santa For Repairing Door Bell,

Santa Doesn't Turns Up For 4 Days.

Lady Calls Again, Santa Replies,

I'm Coming Daily Since 4 Days,

I Press The Bell But No One Comes Out.

Santa : Banta, R U Know Fullfom Of "WIFE"

Banta : Yes,

Santa : Bolo..

Banta : W = Without

    I = Information

    F = Fight

    E = Every Time

Santa : Oh rly!

COURTESY-Http://Www.Lovelysms.Com

Jokes

Banta Asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh Goes For A Walk In Evening?
Santa: Very Simple, Because He Is PM Not AM

An Englishman And Santa Inside The Toilet.
Englishman: Good Evening, How Do U Do?
Santa: Gud Evening, We Open The Zip And Do.

Teacher: What Should Be In A Book To Make It A Bestseller?
Pappu: A Girl On The Cover And No Cover On The Girl.

Teacher: I Want You To Tell Me The Longest Sentence You Can Think Of.
Pappu: Life Imprisonment!

Santa Was Drawing Money From ATM. Banta, Who Was Just Behind Him In The Line Said: I've Seen Ur Password. It’s ****. Sant: U R Wrong. It’s 1394.

Santa Walks Into A Library & Says, "Can I Have A Burger And Coke?"

Librarian, "I'm Sorry, This Is A Library." Santa Whispers, "Can I Have A Burger & Fries?"

Q: Why Did Santa Take His Pregnant Wife Jeeto To Pizza Hut?

A: Because They Advertised: 'Free Delivery'

Jeeto: If I Die What'll You Do?
Santa: I May Also Die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some Time Too Much Of Happiness Can Also Kill A Man.


Q: Why Santa Is Standing Below The Tube Light With An Open Mouth.
A: Because Doctor Has Advised Him: 'Eat LIGHT Meals!'

Q: How Do You Recognize Santa's Son, Pappu, In School?
A: He Is The One Who Erases The Books When The Teacher Erases The Board.

Santa Saw A Beautiful Gal... He Went And Smooched Her.
Gal - What Are You Doing?
Santa: Law, 4th Semester From Punjab University.

Banta: Name The 3 Fastest Means Of Communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-A-Woman

COURTESY-Http://Www.Lovelysms.Com

Jokes

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.

************

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying

furiously....

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

**************

One tourist from lace w:st="on">U.S.A.lace> asked to santa singh: Any great man born in this

village?

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

======================================…

Sardar orders pizza.

Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?

Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge

Man To Santa: Ur Friend Is Kissing Ur Wife In Ur Home.
Santa Rushes Home And Came Back Within Half An Hour N Slapped The Man N Said: He's Not My Friend. 


Santa Sent A SMS To His Pregnant Wife. Couple Of Seconds Later He Received A Report On His Phone And He Started To Dance. The Report Said: 'Delivered'

COURTESY-Http://Www.Lovelysms.Com

Jokes

Santa: Today is Sunday I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

  

Santa applied for the position of Mechanical Engineer. In interview:

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr…..

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.

He got irritated… Drank poison said, “Nw wat u bloody insects!”

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: George Washington’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Washington’s skeleton when he was a child.

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto

Banta asks: Why r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

COURTESY-http://hindisms.org

Jokes

An Essay On A Cricket Match

A Teacher Told All Students In A Class To Write An Essay On A Cricket Match.

All Were Busy Writing Except Our Santaji.

He Wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Interviewer : Imagine, In A Closed Room, How Can You Escape If It Caught Fire?

Santa : Simple, Stop Imagining.

Q: Why Did Santa Fall Out The Window ?

A: He Was Ironing The Curtain

Sir: Y R U Fighting?

Santa : This Fool Left The Answer Sheet Blank,

Sir: So What?

Santa: Even I Did The Same Thing, Now Teacher Will Think That We Both Copied.

Santa Traveling 1st Time In Plane Going To BOMBAY,

While Landing, He Shouted : "BOMBAY-BOMBAY",

Air Hostess : " B-Silent Please ",

Santa Said : " OMBAY - OMBAY.....!!!!!!!! "

COURTESY-Http://Www.Binscorner.Com

Jokes

Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai

Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here

Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.




COURTESY-http://lovelysms.com

Jokes

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing? 
Santa: Drying sweat

Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else. 

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. 
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out 

Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray. 

Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."

Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth. 

Santa and Jeeto were on an African Safari when a lion sprang out of nowhere & draged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can't. I ran out of film.
COURTESY-http://lovelysms.com

Jokes

Pappu, While Filling Up A Form: Dad, What Should I Write Against Mother Tongue.?
Santa: Very Long!
Santa Falls In Luv With A Nurse... After Much Thinking, He Finally Writes A Love Letter To Her: "I Luv U Sister."

Santa: Why Americans Stop Printing Stamps With Photo Of Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Coz People Started Licking The Wrong Side Of It For Pasting Them On The Envelopes.

Dress Code 4 A Party - Black Ties Only.
Banta Goes For The Party & Is Surprised To See That The Other Guests Are Wearing Suits Also! 

Santa Was Caught For Speeding And Went Before The Judge.
The Judge: What'll You Take 30 Days Or Rs 3000.
Santa: I Think I'll Take The Money.

Santa: I Kiss My Wife Everyday Before Leaving For Office, What About U?
Banta: Me Too, After U Leave

Once Professor Santa Asked A Plumber To Come To His College. You Know Why?
Because He Wanted To Check From Where The Question Paper Is Leaking.

Banta: Why Is The Police Nicknamed "The Heart Of The Country"?
Santa: It Beats, Beats, Beats....

Santa: My Dad Was An Extremely Brave Man. He Once Entered A Lion's Cage.
Banta: He Probably Got A Lot Of Applause Wen He Got Out.
Santa: I Didn't Say He Got Out.

Banta Was Driving Down The Highway Past A Sign That Said, "Clean Toilets 8 Kms."
By The Time He Drove Eight Kms He Had Cleaned 14 Toilets.

Banta: What's The Difference Between An Oral Thermometer And A Rectal Thermometer?
Santa: The Taste.

Jeeto: Why Do Farts Stink?
Santa: So That Deaf People Can Enjoy Them Too!

Santa: I’m A Proud Father. My Son Is In Medical College.
Banta: What’s He Studying?" 
Santa: He's Not Studying, They Are Studying Him! 

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